Guide to End-of-Life Planning

Faithful Living, Faithful Dying

I am the resurrection and the life, says the Lord. Whoever has faith in me shall have life, even though they die.
— John 11:25

This guide is for members and friends of St. Margaret’s who want to think through, on their own time, how to prepare for the end of life as an act of faith and a gift to those they love.

Why We Plan

It is not always comfortable to talk about death. But our faith gives us the confidence to acknowledge our mortality because we anticipate resurrection with Christ. Whether we live or die, scripture tells us, we belong to the Lord — and that conviction is what makes it possible to plan for our own end of life, not out of anxiety, but out of trust.

The Book of Common Prayer itself instructs the clergy to remind the people, from time to time, of their duty to make thoughtful provision for their families — including the making of wills, arranged while they are still in health (BCP, p. 445).

There is also a second, more practical reason to do this work now, while we are able: It is one of the most loving gifts we can give the people who will one day have to make decisions on our behalf. A medical directive, a funeral plan, and a will each relieve someone we love of having to guess what we would have wanted, at the moment they can least bear the guessing.

We suggest thinking through three pieces, in this order:

  1. A medical directive, which reviews the use of a healthcare proxy and records how you wish to be treated if you become unable to speak for yourself.
  2. A funeral plan, designed alongside your will, so that the service becomes a reflection of your life and your values.
  3. A will, written or amended once your funeral plan has helped clarify what you most want to pass on — in values as well as possessions.

Find out more about each item in the sections below.

This guide is informational and pastoral, not legal or medical advice. Laws vary by state, and requirements change; please consult your attorney and physician about what applies to your own situation.

Advance Medical Directives

An advance medical directive lets you record your wishes about medical treatment in the event you become unable to communicate them and lets you name a proxy to make decisions on your behalf. Because it can be hard to think through in the abstract, we recommend a few conversations before you complete an advance medical directive:

  • Talk it through with your physician, ideally together with the person you plan to name as your proxy.
  • Talk it through with the people who are important to you so they understand not just your choices but your reasoning.
  • Think through your wishes about beginning, continuing, or ending life-sustaining treatment in different circumstances.
  • Consider organ or body donation, and record your wishes either way.

Recording these wishes is itself a gift. It spares your family the burden of guessing, at the hardest possible moment, what you would have wanted.

State Forms

Each jurisdiction has its own advance directive form and its own form for medical orders (MOST in DC, MOLST in Maryland, POST in Virginia — these are physician-signed orders, distinct from the advance directive itself):

– Washington, D.C. — Advance Medical Directive
– Maryland — Advance Medical Directive
– Virginia — Advance Medical Directive
– Washington, D.C. — MOST Form
– Maryland — MOLST Form
– Virginia — POST form (must be obtained through your physician; it is not available as a standalone download)

Further Guidance

A few additional resources, gathered from parishioners who have gone through this process:

– The DC Advance Health Care Directive is a more detailed alternative to the standard DC form, offering fuller guidance for thinking through your decisions.
– The Episcopal Church Foundation’s downloadable Medical Directive walks through a wide range of possible treatments and circumstances. It takes more time to complete, but many find that the extra detail helps clarify their thinking.
– For those who would like individualized guidance, Jane Markley of Mid-Atlantic Patient Advocates has been recommended by parishioners as a helpful resource.

Planning Your Funeral

Christian burial is, first, an act of worship. We glorify God for the gift of eternal life in Christ. It is also a time when the community gathers to comfort one another and use a liturgy of thanksgiving in which we commend a life to the care of God. Designing your funeral in advance, alongside your will, lets the service become a genuine reflection of what mattered to you and a message to those you love about your values.

St. Margaret’s has several resources to help with this:

  • Preparing for a Funeral — our parish guidelines, which explain the choice between Rite One, Rite Two, and Enriching Our Worship 3, the difference between a funeral and a memorial service, and what to expect from the planning process.
  • The Funeral Planning Forms — the two forms listed below are used to record your specific choices for hymns, readings, prayers, and the Committal. These forms are meant to be completed in conversation with your priest, not filled out alone. Please treat this guide as a starting point for that conversation, not a substitute for it.

    – Book of Common Prayer
    – Enriching Our Worship 3 versions

Considering Your Will and Legacy Gifts

Writing a will is, like the rest of this work, an act of faith — a chance to express your values through how you provide for the people and causes you love. Before meeting with an attorney, it can help to make a list of everyone for whom you are responsible, everyone you would like to remember, and all of your material assets.

If you would like to include St. Margaret’s in your estate plans, our Stewardship Committee can provide sample bequest language on request, and our planned giving brochure explains how gifts to the church are structured, including gifts to the General Endowment Fund and the Permanent Endowment Fund. Anyone who makes a planned legacy gift, of any size, is welcomed as a member of the 1894 Society.

St. Margaret’s Columbarium

St. Margaret’s Columbarium, located in a side chapel off the sanctuary, is a sacred space set apart for the inurnment and care of cremated remains. It is available to members and their families, to former members who have relocated outside the Diocese of Washington, and to others with a familial connection to the parish. The Columbarium Agreement explains niche sizes, subscription options, and current fees.

Columbarium

Next Steps

None of this needs to be figured out alone. If you would like to talk through any part of this — your medical directive, your funeral plan, your will, or simply the questions that come up along the way — Richard, St. Margaret’s rector, would welcome the conversation.

Please reach out to schedule a time:

• Email
• Or contact the parish office to arrange a meeting

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.
— Hebrews 13:16

 

Resources and Where to Get Each Document

Some of these documents are posted on this website (click on the links); others are available by request, so that they can be introduced alongside a conversation with clergy.

  • Sample bequest language — available upon request from the Stewardship Committee
  • The contents of this page – available as a stand-alone, printed page upon request from the parish office